Control

I am working thru the book of Galatians in the morning.  Today I had to stop reading and wrestle with the thoughts of where am I trying to do things on my own.  Coming out of our time off, I found I was trying to do a lot on my own & how much this added to the frustration I felt.  So I committed to stop relying on myself and simply let God work. That is so much easier said than done!  It’s crazy to me how quickly I find myself trying to get back to the “old” way of relying on myself.  I keep having to tell myself even Paul struggled with doing the things he didn’t want and not doing the things he knew he should.

I keep turning to old habits of procrastination (my way), responding in haste (my way) or not responding at all (my way) rather than allowing God to speak, guide, reassure and lead.  Even when I know His way is better (maybe not easier) the old self tries to reassert itself.   This morning stunk – too many frustrations, distractions, poor emotions, bad ideas, wrong reactions – all because I was trying to do it on my own, my way. Even though this morning I had thought about and prayed about the ways I needed to let God take control, I managed to do a lot my way –  I was rude to my wife, coworkers, and if you’d been there I would have been rude to you.  And I was so aware of it and it made things worse. At least till I remembered and offered this prayer, again  - Abba, I belong to you. 

I was reminded,   I don’t belong to me, I don’t sit on the throne of my life, and I don’t have to have it all together. It was then I could go to people, admit my mistake, ask forgiveness, and see the rest of the day turn around to a good day. Not because I was doing great things but because I was aware that my way wasn’t (and isn’t) best.  Tomorrow, I’m sure, I will have to remind myself again to be aware of who’s way am I trying and realize again (and again) I am trying to be in control rather than allowing God to move in and through me, as He desires.

last day

The last full restful day of our extended time away. For me, this day is always the hardest day to decide what to do. There is a tension between wanting to do something and not doing anything. There is a struggle to remain focused on staying unfocused on what awaits when you return.

Some of the tension has been helped by the rain. This morning was simly a down pour. That helped ease the “guilt” of not getting up for time on the beach. Instead it freed us to lay in bed and doze, have a lazy breakfast, sit on the patio, read and watch it rain.

Tomorrow we pack up and head towards Birmingham. We changed our return plans and have decided to worship at the Church at Brook Hills on Sunday before returning to Cookeville. We have been to the church for a conference and were really impressed with the campus and info we could get on the church. Plus, it helps that their pastor is a great communicator of God’s truth.

This thought just crossed my mind – why am I wasting time on this blog when I have the last restful day to enjoy?

Until I return I pray you would encounter God in the simple things today.

Quiet Place

Today I’m looking for quiet. 

I don’t want the bother of a cell phone or a tv.  In fact the fan on my laptop is bothering me right now.

No crowds, no loud talkers, just quiet.

I want to hear God, my wife, my thoughts and not have others intrude.

Tomorrow I will be ok with the noise.

time off

We are halfway through a 2 week hiatus from work.  I’d like to say it is vacation but it is much more than that.  It is time away from the office and not feeling guilty about not doing ministry, it is recharging time and not having to worry about getting it all done before the day/week ends, it is reconnecting time with God and Melissa, it is thinking time, and it is much needed time.

Thank you to the staff and personnel committee I work with for offering this time and encouraging me to take it.  I know I wouldn’t have asked for it and wouldn’t have taken it.  (and to Tony for looking at us and telling us not to be stupid, TAKE THE TIME!!)

I planned to blog daily about what I’m thinking on/learning but realized quickly that I didn’t want to be tied to a computer.  I want to enjoy the people I’m around, the places I’m at and the opportunities that are around us.  Instead, I share a few things that have stuck in the cranium.

First, I’m praying this a lot – Abba, I belong to you. 

I found it in Brennan Manning’s book, The Furious Longing of God.  Any time I am tempted to think work or am thinking on the direction of life and my family I pray this.

Second, this thought has caught my mind, “Do I love God or do I love the concept of God? ”  This thought scares me, challenges me, and confuses me…sometimes all at the same time!  I’m realizing I need to focus more on God and my relationship with Him than I do on how do I convey to people who God is and how much He loves them.

Third, I really do like The David Crowder Band’s new one, Church Music.  Lyrically it is catching me off guard and moving me.  Thank you David Vick for encouraging me to listen to it more.

Last, I have a week left of away time.  When I get back I hit the ground with staff retreat.  I have one book left that I WANT to read -  Reggie McNeal’s A Heart of Worship.  I hope it is going to challenge me so when I get back to the norm of work I HAVE reevaluate a lot of my priorities in life and ministry. 

I’d like to say I’ll be back to write more but honestly, I don’t know if I’ll have an Internet connection at the beach.  I look forward to this time with Melissa, just the 2 of us, to have some conversations without the distraction of work and circumstances.

May the realization of God’s love, power and majesty overwhelm you.

I like roller coasters

and that’s a good thing cause right now life is a rollercoaster!

We are approaching the anniversay of our loss of Isabella and of course that is causing us to go through some emotional loops.

On top of that we had an adoption opportunity and while we are still waiting to hear if that door is open or closed, it has caused some stress and conversations.

Work is on the last leg of craziness.  I have been looking forward to the end of the madness for a few months now.  Some much needed time off is to follow.  Retreat is this weekend so I’m sure I’ll be a zombie by Sunday.

Conference in Dallas last week.  Very encouraging yet there is still a lot to do with my passion/desire for our church to boldly state parents are the primary disciplers of their children and then to partner with them in helping them do that.

Life is a roller coaster and I’m praying the harness is tight!

PS Melissa has a blog now.  You can catch it here.

worship series

Wednesday nights took an unexpected turn this semester. A larger than expected number of leaders stepped out leaving me unable to continue doing small groups on Wednesday night. This prompted a change I’d been considering for 2 years but hadn’t felt it was time to make it happen. Well it has happened now cause I was left with no other options.

Wednesday, August 12 we launched a Wednesday night youth worship service. And even though we are only 2 weeks into it, I think it was the right thing to do. I have a great team of students and leaders helping me plan and they have hit 2 homeruns so far. And as I look at the next 2 weeks I feel like we have a some more great things coming our way.

I am excited about this and pray that God uses it in ways I can’t even imagine to glorify Himself and help us reach students that we might not have through small groups. Would you join in me in this prayer? Thanks, I knew I could count you.

It’s been how long?

Has it really been 2 months since I’ve done anything here? It seems like only a few days. I guess the summer took more time from me than I thought or there hasn’t been much to share about. Well, that’s not true so I guess the summer just came and went and I didn’t realize it.

I don’t know what to tell you. there is so much going on right now personally and in ministry that I don’t know where to start. So I’ll share this. I’m craving good stuff right now. Good music, good conversation, good ideas, good times, good experience, good shoes, good coffee, good food, good ministry, so on and so forth. I don’t know if I’m just discontent or I simply want to be surrounded by good. And yes i realize that is subjective.

While I work on some design projects and type this, I’m listening to some cds that I received at work. I’m on my 5th cd and so far none of them have been good. I’m so tempted to put on the mp3 player and listen to some good music but I have to listen to this stuff so I can decide if we’re going to use it or not. So far I’ve got some good giveaways.

How do you determine what is good? Does it elict a certain response or emotion from you? Does it consistently meet or exceed your expectations? How do you decide something is good?

A simple verse

I came across this passage while on vacation (maybe I’ll blog about it but I don’t see how sitting on the beach 10 to 12 hours a day is interesting material).

“This also comes from the LORD of Hosts. He gives wonderful advice; He gives great wisdom.” Isaiah 28:29

It is still resonating with me today. It is speaking to me, encouraging me, refreshing me, strengthening me, and supporting me. There are so many thoughts running through my head – how do I respond to this person, what do I say, which direction should I go, who do I trust and believe? And in all of it I am remembering God gives wonderful advice; God gives great wisdom. So my prayer is simply I will be patient to hear His voice, His wisdom, His advice in all that is pressing on me.

I’m back in the other world

It’s always interesting when you reenter a part of your life you felt was done with. It’s odd when you revisit it. You remember what you loved about it and what caused that part to end. Lots of memories and emotions that you thought were done/dealt with.

This week our choir/orchestra is doing a live recording. They sound great and I think it is going to be a great community ministry opportunity. However, it has brought out a part of my life that I have passion for but have moved on from. And I am dealing with thoughts and emotions that I felt I had successfully addressed.

I am running lights for the recording (we’re also doing this to DVD) and we have a new light console and moving lights. No one else is able to be there for the show so I offered to help out. In the process of learning the console, figuring out the moving lights, setting scenes, dress rehearsal (which wasn’t really a dress rehearsal for me since I don’t have all the lights here yet but that is another story), dealing with different personalities (including a florist and bride who are upset that we aren’t out of the sanctuary) I am remembering why I love concert production and am reminded of why I got out of the business.

Here are a few things I am taking from this week.
1. I really enjoy running sound and lights (but I love sound). I like the combination of creativity and technology. I like putting my touch on a collaborative creative effort.
2. While I like this, I am not more passionate about concert production than I am about youth. And here is why – it doesn’t affect change in people. With sound and lights I am doing what I think needs to be done to enhance a production. With ministry, I am doing what I think needs to be done to enhance a person, their relationship with God and how they interact with the people and situations they come in contact with. I feel (and others may disagree and that is ok) that ministry has more lasting good.
3. I really don’t miss the politics and bull that goes with production. Egos, hypocrisy, temper tantrums, posturing and so much more – I don’t need that on a day to day basis.
4. I miss the road in that I don’t get to see some cool places on a regular basis. There is nothing like waking up in a new town every day, hearing that town’s story, and interacting with the people. You learn a lot about society and culture doing that. I don’t miss not being around family and friends. Being on the road 250 to 300 days out of the year caused me to miss a lot in the lives of the ones I love.

I have more to share but I need to go finish a few scenes and find out if the rain is going to prevent us from having all our equipment. I love (lots of sarcasm there) having to wait and work around others who think all I’m doing is turning a light up and down!

Rainy Days

I am so tired of the rain. It gets to you after a while. I mean, there is only so much you can do indoors before you start craving, desiring, needing to be outdoors. Not the simple walk to the car outdoors but meaningful, enjoy the air and freedom outside time. That is what I’m ready for. In fact, I think if it rains all day today, I am going to go stand in the rain at some point – JUST TO BE OUTSIDE!